Tonight I decided to go downtown for a change. Seems like I haven’t been out and about in my fair city in quite some time. I hung out with some folks at the Ginger Man, a charming establishment with a long wall of brews. I tried the Bigfoot Ale, which I detested at first, but then grew to, well… endure.

Then I headed over to the next block to Fado, where I heard a U2 cover band was playing. For all intents and purposes, their lead singer was Bono. He looked just like him. He even had all the stage moves, engaging us in wild, rock star antics. They played mostly B-sides, but threw in some of the hits. They were very good.

All the while I was painfully aware of this sea of attractive women, all on someone’s arm or wearing a ring. I always wonder where they were before. When does that window of opportunity occur?

And then there was the waitress. She resembled Juliette from Lost, who, as some may know, is a representative of archetypal hotness  for me. The whole night, she had to squeeze past me on her way to and from the bar. It almost made me cry.

Behold the second coming of Freddie Mercury.

Lollipop.

I wanted so badly
somebody other than me
Staring back at me
but you were gone

I wanted to see you walking backwards
And get the sensation of you coming home
I wanted to see you walking away from me
Without the sensation of you leaving me alone

Time and time again
Time and time again
Time and time again
I can’t please myself

I wanted the ocean to cover over me
I wanna sink slowly without getting wet
Maybe someday I won’t be so lonely
And I’ll walk on water every chance I get

Time and time again
Time and time again
Time and time again
I can’t please myself

So when are you coming home, sweet angel?
You leaving me alone? all alone?
Well if I’m drowning, darling, you’ll come down this way on your own

I wish I was traveling on a freeway
Beneath this graveyard western sky
I’m gonna set fire to this city
And out into the desert we’re gonna ride

Time and time again
Time and time again
Time and time again
I can’t please myself

I can’t please myself
I can’t please nobody else

- Counting Crows

A friend of mine shared this song with me today and it just destroyed me. It resonates on so many levels. It seems impossible that someone wrote it without knowing me. I know the people in the song. I’ve been looking for her.

The Girl That’s Never Been
- Escape Key

It was sixteen years ago, outside an aging movie show
I was found not knowing where I was that night
Not a thing did I possess but an old blue gingham dress
And a faded photograph in black and white
Now my memories are quite clear, even if I still can hear
All the shrinks who said some trauma was to blame
Light another cigarette, breathe in deep, try to forget
That it’s a photograph of Dinah and that Alice is my name

Chorus:
Save me, save me, I’ve lost my memory
I’m outside the world looking in
Save me, save me, I’m lost in the memory
And I’d swear I’m a girl that’s never been

Now it’s all the life I knew, except I know it can’t be true
I’m not her– there’s no such thing as Wonderland
Hold a steady job somehow, three months clean and sober now
Oh, the ways I tried to get back there again
“Try to move on, don’t be sad–” so I placed a personal ad
I asked, why is a raven like a writing desk?
And on the phone, out of the past, so glad he’s found me now at last–
And I’m afraid to go and meet him but I know my answer’s yes

[chorus]

Just another city loner wearing sunglasses at night
Leather jacket, purple turtleneck and blue jeans worn too tight
Just a rummie by the jukebox in a casual curious pose
But I don’t know how he knows the things he knows

Well he sits down with a grin, “Why little Alice, where’ve you been?
Not so little, not so Alice, now, are you?”
As he sips my untouched drink, I say “I can’t be who I think”
He says “You are, and you’re not, and I am too.
Are we figments of our gin? Are we long-lost orphaned kin?
Or the mad descendants of a writer’s pen?
No one’s sane behind their mask. Ask what you really want to ask.”
And I close my eyes and whisper, “Can you take me back again?”

[chorus]

“Darling Alice, so bereft, there’s no back– you never left.
All the rhymes are still there waiting to be sung.”
And he holds up in the air a little picture paper square
Slips between my lips and underneath my tongue.
“Shall I tell you now, Miss Little, what’s the answer to the riddle
Of the raven that you used to send your call?”
He takes the glasses off to see, yellow cat’s eyes turn on me, and says,
“It’s nothing like a writing desk at all.”

Chorus:
Save me, save me, I’ve lost my memory
I’m outside the world looking in
Save me, save me, I’m lost in the memory
And I’d swear I’m a girl that’s never been
And he faded, leaving nothing but a grin.

The woman next to me at the concert said that JD completely blows Michael Hutchence away. She explained that Michael was already in decline so it made sense for him to kill himself and now he’s in hell looking up at JD wishing he were still alive. Somehow I avoided decapitating this woman and said, “We’ll see.” She bought me a beer, so that helped. I hadn’t watched Rockstar INXS because I thought it was obscene and I had only heard the new album once. But I wanted to see INXS in concert and, until Rhythm ‘n Hues can bring back a virtual Michael, this was as good as it was going to get.

And she was wrong. JD is a fantastic performer, but is devoid of passion, sensuality and authenticity. He looked like he was having a great time pretending to be the lead singer of INXS. The band sounded great, but the disparity between JD and Michael cast them in an INXS tribute band light. Where the Beck concert was authentic and fun, this one seemed manufactured and cold. Needless to say, I didn’t get stuck in traffic trying to leave the ampitheater.

Just got back from the Beck concert downtown. Amaaaaaazing! The Kiva is such a great venue; there aren’t any bad seats. Don was there and we talked a bit. I remember when he was up on that stage last year for nationals.

When Beck hit the stage, the first thing I noticed was that the people projected on the screen behind the band weren’t people. They were marionettes. Marionettes dressed exactly like the band that were perfectly synchronized to them. At first I thought this was prerecorded and masterfully choreographed, but then I noticed that the puppeteers were actually at the back of the stage and there was a small puppet stage back there that was lit and set up just like the main stage. They were doing this live. They did it for the *entire* show. Whatever the band did, the marionettes did. It was so cool!

Beck played more songs tonight than several bands combined. It was like a Beck mix tape, the way he segued between songs without stopping, like a live crossfade, sometimes no more than a stanza. And when I thought he was done and he left the stage, he came back on not for an encore, but a whole other set. This happened twice. They had this schtick where the band takes a break to eat dinner, but they eat on stage, off to the side, while Beck does some mellow solo stuff. The puppets ate dinner too.

I would say the high point was when they showed a short film about the Beck puppets in Albuquerque. They must have shot and edited it that day. They had little skits from all around town. When Puppet Beck went into the Frontier the crowd lost it. We went nuts! A lot of bands will throw out little bones to the crowd, but this really made it feel like the concert was just for us.

And of course the encore was perfect: Loser followed by E-Pro. No other way to end it.

I’ve got one day to rest and then I go see INXS. And then Counting Crows on the 3rd!

I heard this song on Insomnia Radio and was crushed under its weight. I immediately sought out Nathan Asher’s site and demanded he provide a way for me to buy his album.

Listen and tremble.

Turn up the Faders
- Nathan Asher

Light strikes the suburbs in the summer,
Water trickles and runs down the faces of children,
Laughter echoes rising
As they slip between the sprinklers.
Faces eager for no reason,
Is it the season, is that it?
This used to be enough for me but now it isn’t,
I need some different entertainment.

So we take the A-Train into the city,
Stick seats shake at the station,
Pretty women’s footsteps drag them disappearing,
From the cave of the tunnel dragon,
Into the open high-rises, skyscrapers,
Street urchins come to siege us,
Corner preachers carry Jesus,
Like he carried the cross, toss leaflets.
All this misdirected lust,
All these, all these, all these people,
As dusk turns into evening,
We just get funneled to the clubs.

So come on turn up the faders,
Sooner or later bring the beat in,
I need it, I wanna feel lit,
Like a fetus feels the heartbeat
Of his mother when he’s sleeping,
Beating constantly,
You are encouraged to dance emphatically,
Manically, even desperately,
Cause who knows where this is heading?
I’m in the backroom, drunk,
The stars cut chunks out of the darkness.
It’s a portrait of the young artist,
As another target market,
Playing dumb in the club,
And using liquor as a tourniquet,
Lets succumb to our desires,
Or we’ll become just like our fathers,
Bang into each other
Until the lights smother us
And we go under.

Outside is a storm, it feels like a set,
It feels so unreal.

Turn up the faders,
Sooner or later bring the beat in,
I need it, I wanna feel it,
I’m in the bathroom, drunk,
The months cut chunks out of the summer,
Days get longer, minutes get faster,
I get older, the weather gets colder,
They might sleep out in the suburbs,
But not here, not here,
Come on turn up the faders,
Sooner or later bring the beat in,
I need it, I wanna feel it, I wanna feel it.

All my friends hold their glasses,
Roses by the stem,
Lean in like trees blown by wind in a garden,
Fall and play jester, at the feet of dark-eyed women,
Whose every hidden glance,
Holds a chance at new beginnings,
Here’s to all the new beginnings,
We never got back from.
Never go home,
Never go home,
Never go home alone.

Solitary Shell
- Dream Theater

He seemed no different from the rest
Just a healthy normal boy
His mama always did her best
And he was daddy’s pride and joy

He learned to walk and talk on time
But never cared much to be held
and steadily he would decline
Into his solitary shell

As a boy he was considered somewhat odd
Kept to himself most of the time
He would daydream in and out of his own world
but in every other way he was fine

He’s a Monday morning lunatic
Disturbed from time to time
Lost within himself
In his solitary shell

A temporary catatonic
Madman on occasion
When will he break out
Of his solitary shell

He struggled to get through his day
He was helplessly behind
He poured himself onto the page
Writing for hours at a time

As a man he was a danger to himself
Fearful and sad most of the time
He was drifting in and out of sanity
But in every other way he was fine

He’s a Monday morning lunatic
Disturbed from time to time
Lost within himself
In his solitary shell

A momentary maniac
With casual delusions
When will he be let out
Of his solitary shell

Catapult
- Counting Crows

All of a sudden she disappears
Just yesterday she was here
Somebody tell me if I am sleeping
Someone should be with me here
Cause I don’t wanna be alone

I wanna be the knife that cuts into my hand
And I wanna be scattered from here in this catapult
What a big baby won’t somebody save me please
You won’t find nobody home

All of these quiet battered voices
Wait for the hunger to come
We got little revolvers and stupid choices
And no one to say when we’re done
Well I don’t wanna bring you down

I wanna be the light that burns out your eyes
Cause I know there’s little things about me
That would sing in the silence of so much rejection
In every connection I make
I can’t find nobody home

I wanna be the last thing that you hear when you’re falling asleep….