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Funny | First Time Flowing
 

All posts in Funny

Rug

Today, as I methodically vacuumed the rugs, I remembered something that happened a few weeks ago. The maintenance people were systematically going from apartment to apartment, changing air filters and checking the smoke detectors. A stern little woman herded the maintenance men around, delegating which apartment each should go to.

Eventually they came to my apartment. Once the little woman had a chance to appraise my place she said, “This isn’t your apartment, is it? Is this your girlfriend’s?” When I insisted that I lived there and asked her to explain, she just snickered. I would love to meet someone who had three video game consoles and a Millennium Falcon in her living room.

Just before she left, she looked at my rugs and exclaimed, “Where did you get these?”

I told her I bought them years ago at Wal-Mart.

She said, “No. I looked at Wal-Mart for rugs like this and they didn’t have them.”

Then she walked out.

Amores perros

My Feelings Exactly

Via xkcd

My New Band Name

Today I received a spam entitled “Decomposable Blot.”

That’s awesome.

SASE

When I was a child I would send away for fabulous free things advertised in the back of comic books. The ads simply required the sender to include a self-addressed stamped envelope. I thought to myself, “Well, I addressed this envelope myself without anyone else’s help and I put a stamp on it, so it should be fine.” I never got anything back in the mail.

I was also certain that the phrase “in the long run” referred to an end of the world event, similar to the rapture. I was concerned that I wouldn’t be able to keep up with the other runners and wondered what might happen if I needed to stop for a minute to have a drink.

Wrong Number

Every once in a while, I will get a wrong number call on my cell. Today I got three. Three different people called throughout the day, each asking for a different person: Lisa, Simon, and some other name. My phone is the Nexus of Almost Right.

Charmed Life

Had to do a little bit of laundry today. I make several trips to and from the laundromat as part of my laundry cycle: drop it in the washer, switch it to the dryer, and then take it home. Today, as I pulled out onto the road near the laundromat, I kept hitting some kind of rut in the road. On the last trip, I couldn’t turn onto the road because it was shut down, cordoned off by the police. This was to protect drivers from the massive crater that had suddenly appeared where that rut used to be. It looked like a meteor had smashed into the street. I must have missed driving over this thing by a few minutes.

Fnord

I was just washing my hands and I noticed that the soap pump was labelled “Antibacterial Nano Foam.” I thought that was pretty hip until I glanced back and it now just read “Antibacterial Hand Soap.” Ah well.

Artful Dodger

Alucard just ran into the room carrying something which he dropped and began chewing on. It was my wallet. Not only that but he had managed to pull out all the cash. Thankfully he left it in the bedroom, being interested only in playing with the wallet itself.

Dummy!

I just tried to cut and paste a friend’s mailing address from Outlook to a handwritten post-it note. Didn’t work too well.