Begin my sophomore year at DePauw. I had a closet-like dorm room in Hogate.
I meet Ryan Houlette and Dave Glowacki.
All posts in Life
Definition of Religion
Last night, my sleep was rudely interrupted by a pair of shadowy brutes who quickly proceeded to toss a rough sack over my head and bind me hand and foot. I struggled for a short time, but I quickly realized from the incredible strength in my captors’ arms that my squirming was in vain. After being hauled about for some unknown time and enduring a short trip in what must have been the trunk of a car, I was once more carried by the thugs to some other location. I was dropped roughly on a hard stone floor and I heard a door slam, followed by the echoing footsteps of my captors as they walked away. Continue reading →
DePauw
Begin my freshman year at DePauw. I think my roommate’s name was Dan. I lived in Lucy (a dorm).
A Kiss
Inducted into the National Honors Society.
I didn’t truly kiss a girl until I was 18. Kerry. She was also my first girlfriend.
Graduate from CVCA.
The mass of men lead lives of quiet desperation
“The mass of men lead lives of quiet desperation.” – Henry David Thoreau
There exists in all of mankind a deep-seeded yearning to become something more than their ordinary selves, to cast aside the lot dealt to them by Life and to truly relish each intake of breath as something rich and wondrous. These men take their big thoughts and epic dreams, get out of bed in the morning, kick open the front door . . . and run headlong into the reality of a world that has no room for their delusions of grandeur.
And so, the common man will succumb to the dictations of his society, fold his dreams up into a nice little package and go about his normal life as a pedestrian in a grey metropolis. Every once in a while he can take his dream out of his pocket, look it over, turn it in the light to see it from all sides, and then put it away with a sigh.
While this ordinary fellow’s life goes on in quiet desperation, his next-door neighbor fulfills his dreams. A few brave souls, in complete contradiction to society’s platitudes, eke out a full life as pioneers on the frontier of a new existence. In the face of a world ruled by rich, fat, corporate cowboys riding horses of chromium steel, these men of consequence uphold the rare virtues of chivalry, bravery, romance and imagination. They discover a higher emotional ground and give names to uncharted regions of the soul as they carve out the way to their destiny.
Along with the desire for a lead role on the stage of life is the need for love and companionship, neither of which man can escape. The face of a young lady decorates the inner halls of each man’s heart. The nature of the man will determine whether he shall seek out the woman of his dreams or remain content to stare at the cold image of someone whom he shall always see, but never touch. Perhaps he will find someone else, but he will live with that image of love lost forever emblazoned in his heart.
Romance, in the truest and deepest sense, requires a man brave enough to make himself vulnerable and acknowledge his need for intimacy. Women long for these men to enter their lives.
They wait in quiet anticipation, unwilling to let go of their romantic dreams of a prince who will come to their rescue. Some settle for less and live contented lives with men of mediocrity, but the patient ones will someday look out their tower window to see that their prince has finally come.
While the prince and damsel ride off into the sunset, the ordinary man watches them go with an aching heart. But the poet feverishly scribbles down the account of what he has seen in order to capture it with ink and paper. The poet, a noble scribe of the higher ideals, uses his quiet desperation as a fuel to give fire to his writing. He chronicles his thoughts, feelings, desires and experiences to contribute a verse to the great, ongoing saga of romance.
The true romantic maintains a balance of courage and quiet desperation. While having the bravery to act upon his dreams, he holds onto his meekness and nervous anticipation so that his hunger for virtue is never quite sated. For him, every laugh, every tear, and every kiss will seem as the very first, enjoyed in its purest form.
Time does not forget these men; those who made manifest in their lives the deep life call of all humanity; those who left behind their quiet desperation and changed their dreams into reality; those who dared to love . . . and dared to be loved.
Fast Forward
My parents get divorced. I was in my bedroom reading Stephen King’s “The Stand” when my mom came in and announced this to my sister and I. I kept on reading to display my indifference. I wasn’t too bothered by this event, but it gave me something to talk about at school.
At some point I was invited by Jayne Gurley to attend church at Community of Believers.
Brandon and I become friends.
I meet Kerry Danko.
Begin senior year at CVCA.
I was class chaplain.
Brandon and I got a three day in-school suspension for ditching school one day and going to Cleveland. It was so worth it. At first the school administration did not want to punish us as we were ordinarily pinnacles of good behavior (or at least I was), but we insisted. It was like getting a vacation and we enjoyed it very much.
May even enjoy fighting with others
The following is the personality report generated by “Mind Prober”, a computer program which asks you to evaluate a person’s personality traits with simple agree/disagree responses. I am pretty impressed with its insightfulness, even after all these years (6/14/2009).
We Be Drivin’
I get a driver’s license. I didn’t get one until I was 17. When I was 16, I wasn’t in a huge hurry to legally drive my non-existent car.
Grey
I stood there in the emptiness of my mind and summoned Grey. He appeared suddenly, a group of shadows coming together to take shape. He looked a lot like me, but in a more ideal fashion. He wore my trenchcoat and the skeleton shirt. He looked at me with his cold grey eyes. Continue reading →
Philosophy of Life
I’ve really thought about life and just why we are forced to live through such often unpleasant situations. What is the point in living? What do we get out of it? I, being the cynical and fatalistic person that I am, have boiled it down to a basic idea:
Hardly anything really matters, because you will die sooner or later and you will leave everything behind. A great deal of life should be used to find those things that matter.
The things that really matter to me are the things that you can “take with you” when you die. I believe that although a person’s body will die, his mind and soul will last forever. So to me, material things are not very important. Sure, I like having stuff, but I know that it is only temporary and I can already see my possessions fading away. Things that I learn are stored in my mind, which is intangible. I go through experiences that affect my emotions, which are a part of my soul. It is these things that are important to me.
I learn through experiences. My life has been a series of trials and hardships, but I have learned from them all and have become a stronger person. No surgery can remove those experiences from me.
I know that if I say “Hello” to someone, I will some day have to say “Good-bye.” Relationships are very important to me and they are the only reason I desire to live. Although relationships cannot last forever, there is something transferred between the people in that relationship. A piece of yourself is given and a piece of someone else is gained. I believe that everyone has been placed on earth so that someone else may learn something from them and be enriched because of it.
My relationship with God is very important. He put me here for a purpose and it is my duty to fulfill what He has planned for me. And because God’s love for me is unwavering and unconditional, there will always be someone there for me. Because I cannot get love from my parents and I do not always get love from my friends, my relationship with God serves as the final defense to keep me alive. I have been through enough emotional hell to make me suicidal at times.
In the not too distant past, my relationship with God was not very good, so that final barrier was no longer there. Fortunately, my friends were there before it was too late. My relationships with my friends and with God saved my life, therefore I live for relationships.
I believe that it is these experiences and relationships that change me, making me the person who I am. There is no man-made product that can affect me like that. Changes in me mentally, emotionally, and spiritually help move me closer to what will be my ideal self.
I would like to close this essay with a quote by Piers Anthony, a famous novelist:
“I think my most significant personal revelation is that life changes hour by hour and minute by minute, like the constant flowing of a river. I am not quite the same person today that I was yesterday; small aspects of me have changed, physically and mentally. I will change a little more by tomorrow, and a great deal more in the course of future years.
“To try to hang on to one particular section of life, such as the one I am experiencing at this moment, is foolish; it can’t be done, and if it could be done, it would not be worthwhile. Change is much of the essence of life. Death is the final change. We can not hold on even to a day; how, then, can we capture life itself? Perhaps our whole awareness of individuality, of self, is an illusion. If so, it is better not to grasp unduly at that illusion, but rather to live out our lives in such a manner that when we must at last lay them down, we will not be ashamed. Life has meaning only if we live for meaning.”