I had been back last December, but this time around felt a lot different. I felt like I was still in Austin and had just sent a serviceable hologram of myself on the plane. It took a few days to shake the dissonance, but I never stopped feeling like a stranger. Ghosts haunted every street corner and layers of emotional data augmented every interaction.

This has nothing to do with my friends or Albuquerque, but I just didn’t want to be there for very long. I felt like in order to fit into that realm and feel at ease I would need to morph into some old version of myself, a proposition I found horrific. Although there were major changes in the worlds of all of my friends, my version of Albuquerque remained the same.

It really is true: You can’t go home again.

On Thursday Mandy picked me up at the airport. Mandy and Colin were kind enough to let me stay with them at their swanky new loft. I got to meet Hank, their adorable little dog. We got along splendidly and there was much fetching and petting. I went into work and met some of the new people I had only interacted with virtually. I got caught up with my attorneys and hung out with everyone at a lunch party they held for all the December birthdays. After a meeting, I headed out.

I stopped in at Addicted to Comics and dropped off a few copies of House of Whack. Kevin was very encouraging while I was working on the game and I thought it would be great if his store carried the game.

Later on, I had a fantastic dinner with Deborah. She introduced me to High Noon, an excellent steak restaurant in Old Town. They had an upside-down Christmas tree on the ceiling! I got her all caught up with what had been going on in my life since I started participating with Landmark Education.

On Friday I went into work for a bit and then met my friend Halli for lunch at Yasmine’s. We ended up going over to Vivace for some wine and lamenting about love and life. Then Mandy and I went to the ABQ Uptown shopping center so I could get a gift for the gift exchange game at the Christmas party.

The party was at the Hyatt Tamaya resort. I’d been there a couple times before. It is pretty swank. There was an open bar and I indulged in a Grand Marnier and taught the bartender how to make a Dirty Girl Scout. There were Dirty Girl Scouts all around! After a ridiculously good meal, we played the gift exchange game. My contribution, the Transformers DVD, was fought over with great ferocity. I ended up with the movie Smoking Aces, but I didin’t realize it was the full screen version until it was too late! Then we played House of Whack! It was interesting to see how non-gamers responded to the game. They came up with some pretty amusing rules. Then I went to bed in a big clean bed with lots of pillows.

I woke up Saturday morning to discover that I was in a strange hotel bed! I grabbed breakfast at IHOP and then headed over to Tall Tales Comics. This was the other store in town that helped me out with HoW. Jeff was enthusiastic about carrying the game, but he feared they were going to discontinue board games in January. So all you ABQ peeps go buy the game soon!

I hung out at Mandy and Colin’s pad for a while before going to meet Jaimi at Copper Lounge. Jaimi is someone I met through random circumstances. I actually first met her when she was visiting Austin and I invited her and her friends over for drinks with my friends (after several hours of Rock Band!). Jaimi is gorgeous and fantastic, but is currently going through a difficult time. Not the best time for some strange guy to be making eyes at you! We had some drinks and a great conversation about hope and Joan Jett.

Saturday night was my birthday party at Terran and Susan’s. A bunch of people showed up and we had great food and wine. There was also cake and the cake was not a lie! I loved seeing everyone again and getting caught up with people’s lives. We also played House of Whack later. Beware Terran’s might Dragon Spear! Fortunately, he did not unleash Ape Sex on any of the players.

Sunday afternoon found me back at Terran and Susan’s where I reprised my role as Titus Pinkerton in Terran’s Victorian Horror game. It seems that since I last played, Titus had joined forces with the evil Baroness who was bent on summoning tentacled evil from beyond space and time. He even got to have a mad scientist lab in the basement of her manor! I had conspired with Terran a few weeks before my arrival, coming up with clever traps for the players. During the final conflict, Titus burst onto the scene with a steampunk tank!

I then caught a late dinner with my friends Bob and Sari. We went to Taj Mahal! Yum! We discussed the writer’s strike and the impact on our favorite shows.

Monday was my birthday! Dave called me up in the morning so he could be the first person to sing happy birthday to me. I had a birthday breakfast at Flying Star with Mandy and then went into work. Mandy picked me up again for lunch and, after realizing some ancient Japanese tradition mandates that all sushi restaurants must close for two hours in the middle of the day, went home instead. We had a victorious sushi dinner though! Then I went over to Lesley’s and introduced her and John to the wonderfully bizarre film The American Astronaut. I also helped Lesley get her XBox 360 online and loaded with Carcassonne!

I worked some more on Tuesday and did some more House of Whack deliveries. That afternoon Lesley and I went to see I Am Legend, which was a really great movie. I hadn’t read the book or the graphic novel, so I didn’t have anything to compare it to. But I found it well put together and thoughtful. Then we played more Carcassonne!

And on Wednesday, I came back to Austin. Overall, I enjoyed being in Albuquerque again. I didn’t really miss it and it reaffirmed my decision to move to Austin. There is a quiet earthiness to Albuquerque that I miss, though. It isn’t as busy there.

I have lived here over 9 years total, the longest I’ve lived anywhere since leaving my childhood home.  And I’ve been alone for too much of that time. I’m at a point where I am ready to share my life with someone else. Although I have met some wonderful women here, I have not found that person who is also looking for me. So I go in search of her, if she is out there.

My friends seem settled, comfortable with their own joys and sorrows. I feel that I have contributed all that I can to you. I feel that my work here is done.  You will all be okay without me.

Before I close, some practical matters. If anyone needs to see me or wants to hang out between now and when I leave, please let me know. Please remind me of any unsettled debts, borrowed books, oaths of fealty, etc.

I am looking for someone to adopt two of my cats: Neeka and Kallista. They are well-behaved, indoor-only cats that I will give to someone who will love them. If you know of anyone, please tell me as soon as possible.

I am giving away quite a bit of items including my computer desk, patio table and chairs, a rolling computer/printer desk, Dreamcast and games, some music CDs, computer games and other assorted items. Please come by and have a look and take whatever you can.

If you would like to help me load the UHaul, I would appreciate it very much. This will be happening on Thursday the 26^th, in the afternoon. I will leave the following morning (Friday, the 27^th).

I am grateful for the time we had together.

I’ll see you at the end of the circle.

Good-bye.

I wanted to see you walking backwards
And get the sensation of you coming home
I wanted to see you walking away from me
Without the sensation of you leaving me alone

Time and time again
Time and time again
Time and time again
I can’t please myself

I wanted the ocean to cover over me
I wanna sink slowly without getting wet
Maybe someday I won’t be so lonely
And I’ll walk on water every chance I get

Time and time again
Time and time again
Time and time again
I can’t please myself

So when are you coming home, sweet angel?
You leaving me alone? all alone?
Well if I’m drowning, darling, you’ll come down this way on your own

I wish I was traveling on a freeway
Beneath this graveyard western sky
I’m gonna set fire to this city
And out into the desert we’re gonna ride

Time and time again
Time and time again
Time and time again
I can’t please myself

I can’t please myself
I can’t please nobody else

- Counting Crows

Like the Cylons, I have a plan.

And I am so sorry, my friends. I’m so sorry.

I must raze Caprica and follow the Eye of Jupiter.

As you can see, this is all Jodi’s fault.

Click on the image for the full view.

Sleep was punctuated by coughing fits every hour or so, as I am in the end stages of defeating a cold. I had survived all of the minibosses and was now facing off against Master Phlem. It is a protracted battle, spread across various arenas, including my sinuses. When I did manage to sleep, I had sexual mini-dreams of someone awesome. I didn’t have much time to sleep in the first place as I had gone out to see my friend’s band perform at Joker’s. She kicked much ass and sang tunes both resonant and prescient. I also witnessed much male posturing by a dude at our table. I’m above such peacockery, but it amuses me to see them dance before her. There was also this other guy that kind of made me want to be gay. Like if she had suggested a threesome, I’d have said “cool.”

So the alarm finally goes off at 6AM. I have it tuned to a radio station I hate, so I will be eager to get up and turn it off. The wacky morning DJs are actually calling a listener and getting her out of bed, which actually seems like a useful service. It reminded me of the alarm in the movie I watched last night, American Astronaut. The astronaut’s alarm blares “What did your father teach you?” over and over until the astronaut answered, “My father taught me to kill the sunflower.” The alarm would then say, “Congratulations, you are now awake.” This was very much like my interactions with Dave when we were roomates in college. He was the astronaut and I was the alarm.

I peed and coughed and herded the cats around. I wrote a provocative email. I fed the cats. Alucard is on a special diet, so I have to sequester him in the bedroom while the other cats eat normal food. He is then free to eat his special bunny and green pea nuggets. They all started out eating it, but it makes Neeka puke. $30 a bag. It’s a real drag.

I may or may not have had some tea. I’ve been drinking Gypsy Cold Care all the time. I think I looked at a few web sites. Gabe’s late on getting the comic up and Tycho’s early for a change.

I get in the shower. I need to think about ordering more conditioner. Is this stuff really working? There’s still a wad of hair in the drain. Getting out of the shower, I decide to postpone putting the waffles in the toaster until right before I have to brush my teeth. Defeats the purpose otherwise. Then I use The Device. I bought The Device a few weeks ago when I was ready to shoot myself rather than suffer another morning of hacking up snot due to the cold weather and how it interacts with my throat. The Device helps. Its pulsating jets of salt water ream out my sinuses. This morning I was able to smell the carpet. It’s that good.

The pimple by my nose is almost gone.

Even though my hair is fairly short, it is still not short enough. I tie up a little 1″ ponytail so I can see what it would look like with the back cut off. I will wear this the rest of the day so I can get a feel for it.

I make sure my iPod is all loaded up and then I head out for work. I’m maybe 20 minutes late. It’s okay because I’ve been going in 15 minutes early all week. I’m almost to the freeway when the coughing fit hits me. I pull into a parking lot and cough and choke and vomit. I head back home and cough and vomit some more. I think about eating breakfast again, but decide instead to take some of Amy’s Organic Ravioli with me for lunch. I head back towards work, listening to GeeksOn. They are having a rather heated discussion about copyright and deep linking on web sites. I haven’t heard them so wound up. Peter and Matt are especially intense.

At work there are now too many things for me to do. In addition to ongoing web site redesigns, I am learning CSS, writing articles for the new newsletter, running a batch of find & replace tasks on the site code, making icons, taking over some sites from the other designer, and thinking of new ways to revamp the company’s business model. I have some tea and answer emails. I finish another site. I never noticed how often I have to use the restroom until I started being someplace other than my apartment for extended periods of time.

I find myself thinking of someone awesome and smiling a lot, thinking I might just go for it.

Eventually, 1PM rolls around and I get out of there. I stop at Style America and have the hairdresser cut it even shorter. Sitting in the chair, I am painfully aware of how I am talking about nothing at all with the hairdresser and I am doing it vigorously. I used phrases I didn’t really need to in order to describe the simplest of things. So now I have a wedge cut, like Starbuck.

I listen to GeeksOn on the way home. There is traffic on I-40 as they have decided to do construction on the left lane. There is so much road construction going on around the city that the detours actually lead you into more construction. The Washington overpass is simply gone. There’s some kind of archeological dig happening on the eastbound side of I-40. Central is a nightmare of orange barrels. During one such meandering detour, I drove past the new Uptown, a dazzling array of new stores that once only existed in California.

At home there is no good email or regular mail. I file my taxes. I’m getting a refund for the first time in like forever. I already spent it on a new movie screen. For lunch I reheat the gnocchi I made last night, but it tastes like ass. Nothing like Saggio’s. I decide to rejoin the GeeksOn forums. I was gone for about a week, nursing a bruised ego. I had made a valentine for Lisa Lassek, building it from bits of Wonderfalls and Firefly footage she had edited. They called me a stalker and that hurt. It was a cool valentine. I get caught up on the forums and then write a few emails.

Then I started writing this blog entry.

Drat. Where will we have the dinner party now?

My car was buried under an impenetrable layer of snow.

The camper out back fared no better.

The streets were transformed.

Recent excavations in my back yard unearthed some sort of frozen beast!

Note its baleful stare.

Saving these for July…

I live in the middle of the desert!