All posts tagged avatar

Quirkyalone

by Drey on December 1, 2008 in Avatar, Reft with 4 Comments

Sometimes I wish I could just date. Sometimes I wish I could just be the person she needed, whoever “she” happened to be at the time. Sometimes I want to ignore the extra layer of information I see superimposed over the world, my soul’s HUD for navigating waking life. But the pull of that silver path is too strong. And I want to follow it, even if it leads to my nemesis. No one wants to face rejection because of an aetheric arrow. No one wants to hear about time out of phase. My criteria is beyond unreasonable and I find this offends those who hear it. Simply put: She lights up. And I … ignite.

So this is an apology to all of the wonderful women who just seem so right, who just make so much sense. I’m sorry. Just think of me as a visitor to your planet, bound by alien directives and customs. It will be easier to explain my behavior that way. I’m sorry. You did not stand a chance against the avatar, the one I am moving toward as the sun moves toward the sea. I don’t want you to save me.

One foot in front of the next

by Drey on August 8, 2008 in Avatar, Life, Reft with 10 Comments

I’m driving the BMW to Trader Joe’s. Beth is next to me. I notice that the experience of the car is transformed by who is handling it, much that of a gun or violin. Here the vehicle is purely utilitarian, getting us to where we need to go. I don’t care what it looks like or what it is and I only think about it in terms of how the BMW is not like my own car.

We’re talking about relationships and online dating. I haven’t given Beth the backstory of the avatar, so the things I say apparently horrify her on some level. I haven’t encountered many people who are comfortable with the rhetoric of the quirkyalone. Listening to myself, I know it sounds like I have excluded the entire world save one person.

I’m pushing the shopping cart at Trader Joe’s and reality has gone wobbly for me. I start to lose focus on where I am and suddenly I am in several different stores at once. Beth is asking me something about the grocery list, which has suddenly become indecipherable, the scrawled prescription from a mad chef. I answer noncommittally as the aisles telescope and emotions tumble down the shelves.

We manage to collect the ingredients for guacamole and hummus, dips which Beth insists must never be purchased, always made by hand. Later she would demonstrate her Shaolin avacado cutting style. She has resolved to eat an avacado a day while in California. I also found the frozen chocolate dipped bananas I had been craving.

The ride back is just like the ride there, only in reverse. Which is to say, completely unfamiliar.

And then

by Drey on July 7, 2008 in Avatar, Reft, Writing with 7 Comments

And then I waited for what I
wanted to know
And when I did not receive what
I felt was my due
I simply just did that which I could
I created it.

Now I know what this means.

Thank you.

Hancock

by Drey on July 2, 2008 in Avatar, Movies with 1 Comment

I have not been so surprised by a film since Fight Club. Hancock is about superheroes the way that Fight Club is about punching. This impression should of course be taken with a grain of salt as the film really spoke to me on some other level. Your mileage may vary.

1. The Fountain
2. Blade Runner
3. There Will Be Blood
4. Batman Begins
5. Ghostbusters
6. Barton Fink
7. Old Boy
8. Hancock
9. WALL-E
10. CQ

Across the Universe

by Drey on June 23, 2008 in Artwork, Avatar, Comics with 1 Comment

Dream Job 3 - Across the Universe

 

Strange Fire

by Drey on May 20, 2008 in Avatar with No comments

I’m putting this profile out there as a kind of beacon for the person who is looking for me. A single white stone forming a path leading to me.

I will continue as though you are that one person.

Hello, (your name goes here). I am overjoyed to finally meet you. I have been searching for you for years. I’ve seen you flickering in the corner of my eye, in dreams, in smiles, always ephemeral and fleeting. But now, here you are. You are beautiful and extraordinary.

I want to know everything that happened to you up until this moment. I want you to tell me what you’ve figured out about life. All the mistakes and triumphs. I will tell you my story as well. This will all take some time, so I figure we can spread it out across many conversations over coffee, in the car, at dinner, in bed, on airplanes, in sofa forts, after movies, during arguments, and even during our silences.

We both came all this way. There will always be distances to cross, but I’m committed to cross them with you.

Let’s not date. Let’s not “be friends first and see where things go.” What if we talk about what we truly want out of a partner and then work to make that happen? Let’s have an adventure! Let us be extraordinary lovers and constant friends. Why not?

I won’t give you any disclaimers and I expect none in return. It is true, things happened to us in the past, threads that wove us into what we are now. I want to know you, but I never want to understand you. I never want to figure you out, if that is even possible. I want to create a relationship where we are constantly exploring who we are to each other.

I’ve been looking all over for you, but now I need to stay still in one place and wait for you.

Please don’t be too long.

Find me.

 

Novacative

by Drey on May 6, 2008 in Avatar with No comments

Well done. You’re almost there.

I am writing this message from the past, beginning at the end. At this moment, it is an anachronism, but it will slowly slip backward in time. Though many may read it, I write it only for you. It is the final beacon.

Thank you for your persistence. If things have gone according to plan, you will have enjoyed yourself. Though many may have played the game (or thought they were playing), only one person could ever win. And that’s you. I created all of this for you, my dear.

By now you know what the prize is and you must truly want it. Are you ready?

If you are, contact me and ask The Question.

This end is the beginning of everything.

Always Changing Probably

by Drey on April 14, 2008 in Avatar with 1 Comment

I must resist the foils. Shall I become hideous to them? Shall I construct a bullwark? I need a lefttennant with my best interests in mind. A guard against the foil. That is what is always missing from the scene: A friend.

I can still feel your wake. Damn it, I’m right here! I’m standing as still as I can, given my shifting nature. Where are you? I’ve learned how to track so many trails. I’ve learned how to track *me*! I’m not present and I never will be. But I am focused like light passing through a diamond. I’m that sparkle in the moment, even as I move through many shifting dreams where clocks are useless.

Find me.

Foolishness and Shame

by Drey on April 14, 2008 in Avatar with 2 Comments

I saw her again, the avatar. Garbed as a swashbuckler and lovely beyond reason. In the company of the dread pirate, a man I come to find was a knave of the blackest stripe.

The pattern appears and the players are drawn along its shattered axes. The foil shows herself, drawn to me, as she always is. I’m so fucking weak. Lonliness sapping away all my brave plans.

But now my understanding of the pattern is more complete. I should be able to recognize the cycle immediately when it starts again, not halfway through the dance, when it is too late.

This has all been wonderful, but now I’m on my way.

by Drey on April 11, 2007 in Avatar with No comments

I really hate good-byes. I haven’t said good-bye to this many people since… well, ever. The thought of having this conversation with every one of you just breaks my heart, so I hope you will forgive the e-mail. In about 2 weeks I will be moving to Austin, Texas. So I guess this is me putting in my 2 weeks’ notice to Albuquerque. To a lot of things, actually. Continue reading →

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