So to Speak – DJ? Acucrack

Falling Slowly – Glen Hansard

Looking at the World from the Bottom of a Well – Mike Doughty

Tender – Blur

Lollipop – Mika

Going On – Gnarls Barkley

Chase the Morning – Sarah Brightman

That’s Not My Name – The Ting Tings

The Panderers pander and we accept.

Mr. Doughty returns. His voice is indeed golden and delicious. New tracks and Soul Coughing throwbacks. The crowd enjoys.

Mr. Doughty denounces the use of pot. It being 4/20, the audience misunderstands, screaming with joy.

Circles!

Mr. Doughty explains that he is going to throw the bridge out and replace it with “half-mumbled half-words”. The crowd accepts this proposition.

Mr. Doughty plays the best cover of Kenny Rogers’ The Gambler ever performed.

Mr. Doughty plays a fake last song, asks us to pretend he has left the stage when he in fact is just turning to face the back of the stage, turns back around to play the real last song.

Crowd spills out of Antone’s.

After much research I have determined what I can say are, in purely scientific terms, the greatest songs ever recorded.

Follow the link for a ridiculously long list:

This is Ponderous – 2NU
Fear – Adam Freeland
Red Tape – Agent Provacateur
All I Really Want – Alanis Morissette
The Last Unicorn – America
Rebel Warrior – Asian Dub Foundation
One Week – Barenaked Ladies
So Wat’cha Want – Beastie Boys
I Saw Her Standing There – The Beatles
Norwegian Wood – The Beatles
Across the Universe – The Beatles
Come Together – The Beatles
Let it Be – The Beatles
E-Pro – Beck
Loser – Beck
Magic Carpet Ride – Bedlam
Heaven is a Place on Earth – Belinda Carlisle
I Go to Extremes – Billy Joel
Hard to Handle – Black Crowes
I Miss You – blink-182
But Anyway – Blues Traveler
Tender – Blur
Lay Your Hands on Me – Bon Jovi
Total Eclipse of the Heart – Bonnie Tyler
Hired Gun – Bride
Pepper – Butthole Surfers
Dracula From Houston – Butthole Surfers
Gonna Make You Sweat – C+C Music Factory
Comfort Eagle – Cake
Galvanize – Chemical Brothers
Tubthumping – Chumbawamba
Aura – The Church
Clocks – Coldplay
Si Senor – Control Machete
A Murder of One – Counting Crows
Open All Night – Counting Crows
Catapult – Counting Crows
Teen Angst – Cracker
MMM, MMM, MMM, MMM – Crash Test Dummies
Bad Moon Rising – Creedence Clearwater Revival
Pour Some Sugar on Me – Def Leppard
Flowers Become Screens – Delerium
Money For Nothing – Dire Straits
So to Speak – DJ? Acucrack
The Prince’s Favorite Son – Dog’s Eye View
Everything Falls Apart – Dog’s Eye View
Do You Enjoy the Distortion? – Earthsuit
Thief – The Echoing Green
Already Down – Edith Grove
A Little Less Conversation – Elvis
Unbelievable – EMF
Wild, Wild, West – Escape Club
The Girl That’s Never Been – Escape Key
Bring Me to Life – Evanescence
Inside Out – Eve 6
Rise ‘n Shine/Am I Ever Gonna Change?/Who Cares? – Extreme
Rock Me Amadeus – Falco
Criminal – Fiona Apple
Natural One – Folk Implosion
Freedom 90 – George Michael
Donut Quota – Gluey Brothers
The Orange Monster – Gluey Brothers
King of Wishful Thinking – Go West
19-2000 – Gorillaz
Paradise City – Guns N’ Roses
World Without Logos – Hellsing Original Soundtrack
Let Her Cry – Hootie & the Blowfish
Melted Vinyl – Furthermore
Falling Slowly – Glen Hansard & Marketa Irglova
The Power of Love – Huey Lewis & the News
Closer to Fine – Indigo Girls
Galileo – Indigo Girls
Ghost – Indigo Girls
Least Complicated – Indigo Girls
What You Need – INXS
Disappear – INXS
New Sensation – INXS
Good Times – INXS
Jane Says – Jane’s Addiction
Fade to Grey – Jars of Clay
Who? Where? Why? – Jesus Jones
Asian Vibes – Joi
Still Alive – Jonathan Coulton
Bang a Drum – Jon Bon Jovi
Don’t Stop Believin’ – Journey
Incredible Bittersweet – Judybats
Mr. Brightside – The Killers
Word Up – Korn
Not an Addict – K’s Choice
Broken Tape Decks – L.A. Symphony
The Lion Sleeps Tonight – Lebo M
Don’t You (Forget About Me) – Life of Agony
Sick Cycle Carousel – Lifehouse
The Transformers Movie Theme – Lion
Lightning Crashes – Live
This is the Life – Living Colour
Polyester Bride – Liz Phair
What’s Good – Lou Reed
Long Long Time – Love Spit Love
Crazy for You – Madonna
Express Yourself – Madonna
Girlfriend – Matthew Sweet
Fett’s Vette – MC Chris
The Safety Dance – Men Without Hats
Lollipop – Mika
South Side – Moby
Rescinding – Mortal
What About Me? – Moving Pictures
The Drinking Song – Moxy Fruvous
Turn Up the Faders – Nathan Asher & The Infantry
Shine – Newsboys
Down In It – Nine Inch Nails
Smells Like Teen Spirit – Nirvana
Don’t Speak – No Doubt
Champagne Supernova – Oasis
Come Out and Play – The Offspring
Salome – Old 97s
We Belong – Pat Benetar
Elderly Woman Behind the Counter in a Small Town – Pearl Jam
West End Girls – Pet Shop Boys
Solsbury Hill – Peter Gabriel
Down With Disease – Phish
On the Turning Away – Pink Floyd
Fearless – Pink Floyd
Comfortably Numb – Pink Floyd
Wish You Were Here – Pink Floyd
Synchronicity II – The Police
King of Pain – The Police
Can’t Stand Losing You – The Police
Hold Me Now – Polyphonic Spree
Standing Outside a Broken Phone Booth With Money in My Hand – Primitive Radio Gods
Jaded – Push Down & Turn
Bohemian Rhapsody – Queen
We Will Rock You – Queen
Under Pressure – Queen
Pop Song 89 – R.E.M.
Creep – Radiohead
Killing in the Name – Rage Against the Machine
Banditos – The Refreshments
Nada – The Refreshments
Losing My Religion – R.E.M.
Fretless – R.E.M.
Sweetness Follows – R.E.M.
Don’t Let the Sun Go Down on Me – Roger Daltry
Tank! – Seatbelts
Call Me Call Me – Seatbelts
Gotta Knock a Little Harder – Seatbelts
Lucky – Seven Mary Three
Siroi Yami No Naka – ShakkaZombie
Let’s Go All the Way – Sly Fox
All Star – Smash Mouth
Walkin’ on the Sun – Smash Mouth
Landslide – Smashing Pumpkins
Cherub Rock – Smashing Pumpkins
Super Bon Bon – Soul Coughing
Circles – Soul Coughing
Screenwriter’s Blues – Soul Coughing
Two Princes – Spin Doctors
Dare – Stan Bush
The Touch – Stan Bush
Escher’s World – Steve Taylor
If it All Comes True – Steve Taylor
I Want to Be a Clone – Steve Taylor
I Blew up the Clinic Real Good – Steve Taylor
Jim Morrison’s Grave – Steve Taylor
Hero – Steve Taylor
To Forgive – Steve Taylor
I Just Wanna Know – Steve Taylor
Jesus is for Losers – Steve Taylor
The Finish Line – Steve Taylor
Sock Heaven – Steve Taylor
The Lament of Desmond G. Underwood III – Steve Taylor
Why Should I Cry for You? – Sting
Fortress Around Your Heart – Sting
Vasoline – Stone Temple Pilots
What I Got – Sublime
Tom’s Diner – Suzanne Vega
Not What I Could – Syd’s Misconception
This Time – Syd’s Misconception
Leavetaking – Syd’s Misconception
(Nothing But) Flowers – Talking Heads
Hunger Strike – Temple of the Dog
Tribute – Tenacious D
The Freshman – The Verve Pipe
Baba O’Riley – The Who
The Guitar – They Might Be Giants
Birdhouse in Your Soul – They Might Be Giants
Man, It’s So Loud In Here – They Might Be Giants
The Mirror Song – Thomas Dolby
Lay Your Hands on Me – Thompson Twins
Puppet – Thousand Foot Krutch
I Still Believe – Tim Capello
Walk on the Ocean – Toad the Wet Sprocket
Something to Say – Toad the Wet Sprocket
Torn – Toad the Wet Sprocket
Jam – Toad the Wet Sprocket
Don’t Come Around Here No More – Tom Petty
Crucify – Tori Amos
Heart and Soul – T’Pau
Bad – U2
I Still Haven’t Found What I’m Looking For – U2
Mysterious Ways – U2
One – U2
Pride (In the Name of Love) – U2
Running to Stand Still – U2
With or Without You – U2
Fall to Pieces – Velvet Revolver
The Device Has Been Modified – Victims of Science
The Brady Bunch – Weird Al Yankovic
Dare to be Stupid – Weird Al Yankovic
eBay – Weird Al Yankovic
The Saga Begins – Weird Al Yankovic
Yoda – Weird Al Yankovic

So, my obsessiveness kicked in and I decided to figure out who my favorite bands and singers were by sifting through my music collection and counting up the number of songs I really enjoyed by each artist. I briefly considered working out some kind of signal to noise ratio, taking into consideration the volume of work, but that sounded too complicated. So I went for the sheer number of awesome songs.

Here’s what I came up with:

1. U2
2. Weird Al Yankovic
3. Steve Taylor
4. Toad the Wet Sprocket
5. Pink Floyd
6. INXS
7. They Might Be Giants
8. The Beatles
9. The Police
10. Indigo Girls
11. Billy Joel
12. R.E.M.
13. Sting
14. Nine Inch Nails
15. Moxy Fruvous
16. Syd’s Misconception
17. Pearl Jam
18. Soul Coughing
19. Bon Jovi
20. Jars of Clay

So there it is. I think this list comprises types of music that resonate with every aspect of my personality. I see passion, social change, sarcasm, unconventional spirituality, introspection, melancholy, regret, vast inner landscapes, fun, sex, nostalgia, innocence, poetry, feminine energy, anger, depression, friendship, longing, eclecticism, attitude, and humility.

So I backtracked and said hi, asking if he was doing any gigs during the festival. He said he had done a non-SXSW show last night (curses!) and then he was playing at some party tonight. I didn’t have a pass, so I wouldn’t be able to get in. But it was cool to meet him and chat briefly and burst out in uncontrolled fanboy gushing. I did that later. In private.

Then I headed over to the next block to Fado, where I heard a U2 cover band was playing. For all intents and purposes, their lead singer was Bono. He looked just like him. He even had all the stage moves, engaging us in wild, rock star antics. They played mostly B-sides, but threw in some of the hits. They were very good.

All the while I was painfully aware of this sea of attractive women, all on someone’s arm or wearing a ring. I always wonder where they were before. When does that window of opportunity occur?

And then there was the waitress. She resembled Juliette from Lost, who, as some may know, is a representative of archetypal hotness  for me. The whole night, she had to squeeze past me on her way to and from the bar. It almost made me cry.

Lollipop.

I wanted to see you walking backwards
And get the sensation of you coming home
I wanted to see you walking away from me
Without the sensation of you leaving me alone

Time and time again
Time and time again
Time and time again
I can’t please myself

I wanted the ocean to cover over me
I wanna sink slowly without getting wet
Maybe someday I won’t be so lonely
And I’ll walk on water every chance I get

Time and time again
Time and time again
Time and time again
I can’t please myself

So when are you coming home, sweet angel?
You leaving me alone? all alone?
Well if I’m drowning, darling, you’ll come down this way on your own

I wish I was traveling on a freeway
Beneath this graveyard western sky
I’m gonna set fire to this city
And out into the desert we’re gonna ride

Time and time again
Time and time again
Time and time again
I can’t please myself

I can’t please myself
I can’t please nobody else

- Counting Crows

The Girl That’s Never Been
- Escape Key

It was sixteen years ago, outside an aging movie show
I was found not knowing where I was that night
Not a thing did I possess but an old blue gingham dress
And a faded photograph in black and white
Now my memories are quite clear, even if I still can hear
All the shrinks who said some trauma was to blame
Light another cigarette, breathe in deep, try to forget
That it’s a photograph of Dinah and that Alice is my name

Chorus:
Save me, save me, I’ve lost my memory
I’m outside the world looking in
Save me, save me, I’m lost in the memory
And I’d swear I’m a girl that’s never been

Now it’s all the life I knew, except I know it can’t be true
I’m not her– there’s no such thing as Wonderland
Hold a steady job somehow, three months clean and sober now
Oh, the ways I tried to get back there again
“Try to move on, don’t be sad–” so I placed a personal ad
I asked, why is a raven like a writing desk?
And on the phone, out of the past, so glad he’s found me now at last–
And I’m afraid to go and meet him but I know my answer’s yes

[chorus]

Just another city loner wearing sunglasses at night
Leather jacket, purple turtleneck and blue jeans worn too tight
Just a rummie by the jukebox in a casual curious pose
But I don’t know how he knows the things he knows

Well he sits down with a grin, “Why little Alice, where’ve you been?
Not so little, not so Alice, now, are you?”
As he sips my untouched drink, I say “I can’t be who I think”
He says “You are, and you’re not, and I am too.
Are we figments of our gin? Are we long-lost orphaned kin?
Or the mad descendants of a writer’s pen?
No one’s sane behind their mask. Ask what you really want to ask.”
And I close my eyes and whisper, “Can you take me back again?”

[chorus]

“Darling Alice, so bereft, there’s no back– you never left.
All the rhymes are still there waiting to be sung.”
And he holds up in the air a little picture paper square
Slips between my lips and underneath my tongue.
“Shall I tell you now, Miss Little, what’s the answer to the riddle
Of the raven that you used to send your call?”
He takes the glasses off to see, yellow cat’s eyes turn on me, and says,
“It’s nothing like a writing desk at all.”

Chorus:
Save me, save me, I’ve lost my memory
I’m outside the world looking in
Save me, save me, I’m lost in the memory
And I’d swear I’m a girl that’s never been
And he faded, leaving nothing but a grin.

And she was wrong. JD is a fantastic performer, but is devoid of passion, sensuality and authenticity. He looked like he was having a great time pretending to be the lead singer of INXS. The band sounded great, but the disparity between JD and Michael cast them in an INXS tribute band light. Where the Beck concert was authentic and fun, this one seemed manufactured and cold. Needless to say, I didn’t get stuck in traffic trying to leave the ampitheater.